Q: What do Sinatra Haiku, the Boston Knicks, Damon Bunyan, Ahab Rehab, and Arthur Godfrey on Acid have in common?
A: Sparrow and Mike Topp.

We love these poets: We supported Sparrow in his bid for the Republican nomination in the last Presidential campaign, Mike Topp’s poems appear here regularly, Sparrow’s “Bad Poetry Syllabus” was our first feature.

So herewith the most recent email dialogues between our two Too Hot Poets, fresh and spunky, off-the-cuff, off-the-wall and in-the-pocket. Spontaneousbrilliant, sillyhilarious. Real poems in the American grain, rubbing, rubbing against. . . .

--Bob Holman

Introduction
Sparrow and Mike Topp are poets and friends. This is their email correspondence. It starts with the oldest emails (September 1999) and ends with the most recent (April 2000).

§

FR: Sparrow
Subject: Blemish

hi, miko.
here are my poems

BLEMISH

I found a blemish
on my wrist;

I wonder what it is.

Gray and dark
like Central Park

Blemishing my wrist.


DILETTANTE

I am a
dilettante.

I wrote this poem
in 12 seconds.

Who cares?

You read it in
12 seconds.


FIRE FOR THE FRENCH

I made a fire for the French
to be warm.

Come, Frenchmen!
Face
the warm fire.


POEM

November dawn on the ridge.

I feel like a monkey.


POEM L

tiny fet


NIGHTMARE

a fork with nine tines


FUCK THE DEAD

Pick up a shovel
and fuck the dead

Unbury their
arms and legs

Sew them together
and fuck

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: Mesopotamia

Dear Sparrow,

It was nice seeing you and EMMY HUNTER!!! at Mesopotamia, East of Java.

The magazine I was talking to you about is edited by a guy named Hunter Kennedy. He has a poem in the new Open City. Hunter's magazine, The Minus Times, is a lit mag with stuff in it by guys in the Silver Jews, Pavement, etc. I will be in the next issue, as will Dave Eggers, David Berman, Jeff Johnson, etc.

Hunter's address:
Hunter Kennedy
The Minus Times
PO Box 737
Grand Central Station
NY NY 10163

I STRONGLY suggest you send him something. He likes funny recipes.

See you in the movies.
Darryl Hannah

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: The Defenestraters

A Mike,

Thank you for your new poems, which are fabulous. Here are my new poems also.

I think we should start a new poetical movement, possibly called the neo-tropical movement. Or maybe the defenestraters.

I hope your Thanksgiving was thankable.

Early to write,
Sparrow

LEVER REVEL

With a lever
I ope'd the door;
Within I heard
A revel roar.

So I dropped
My revel lever;
In I soared.


THIS GOOD EARTH

This good earth I knew
as a child,
without parent
or even a dog.

I wandered from Turkestan
to China to Detroit.

Every stranger fed me,
Every woman taught me,
Every man gave me coins,

And I grew brave and strong.


POEM

Mango
without fear


ADD

1 3 5 7 9 Evelyn

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: 6 Poems

Dear Sparrow,

How are you doing? I'm broken-hearted that I missed you around Thanksgiving. What's the work situation up there? Did you know the comedian Andy Kaufman didn't drink, smoke, was a vegan, etc., and meditated 2 hours every day (TM)? Shocking, huh?

I like “Intact.”

Here are some poems I wrote this weekend:

CWMS/CRWTHS

My little sister likes to explore cwms just like a boy. My olderbrother likes to play crwths just like a girl. Sometimes I explore cwms and other times I play crwths.

[“Cwms” are mountain basins. “Crwths” are Celtic stringed instruments. They're both real words.]


PLASTIC RULER WOOD RULER

Our family went shopping for school supplies one Sunday at the local shopping center. I noticed that plastic rulers cost more than wood rulers even though the wood ones were nicer and I thought that maybe it was because the plastic ones were longer.


POINT TO PIN

How would you say the pin on the left has a broken point? I would say, “The pin on the left has a broken point!”


CLASS OF ‘76

Joel Grey
Gabe Kaplan
Ben Vereen
Buddy Greco
Jerry Vale
Joey Heatherton
Alan King
Debbie Reynolds
Mickey Rooney
Bobby Breen
Connie Stevens
Mamie Van Doren

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: Arlene

This goes double for you
Sparrow

ARLENE

She dipped love letters in her soup
and ate them.


POEM XXXIV

blacket

    n


POEM J

folk mist

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: Variations on a Theme by Vladimir Nabokov

Hey, it was nice seeing you last night. . .

My name is Heavy Mike Topp
and I'm here to say. . .

Comments on this poem are due today. . .

(sound of record scratching)

VARIATIONS ON A THEME BY VLADIMIR NABOKOV

1.

Picnic, ants.

2.

Picnic, rain.

3.

Picnic, lightning, ants, rain, botulism.


VARIATIONS ON A THEME BY VLADIMIR NABOKOV (2)

1.

Picnic, avalanche.

2.

Picnic, tsunami.

3.

Picnic, lightning, avalanche, tsunami, meteor.

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: Hippie Slogan

good works, there

HIPPIE SLOGAN

Today is the first deja vu of the rest of your life.


DEJA VU

Have you heard of the band “AC/DC”?

when do we start our Web site?

Pioneers,
Sparrow

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: Blanket

Dear Sparrow,

I liked the Arlene poem a lot. The “blanket” one is pretty good.

Here are some goofy things I wrote.

POPCORN GLASS

Popcorn glass isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.


PETER RABBIT

My friend Peter has a rabbit’s foot. I went to his house. His wife had rabbit ears.


BROKEN VASE

I dropped a vase and broke it while listening to a record. So I just played the record backwards until the vase came together again on the floor and hopped up to my hands.


LIGHTBULB

How many people does it take to tell a lightbulb joke?

§

TO: Sparrow

FR: Mike Topp
Subject: Smells Like Teen Sprite

My clothes smell. . . maybe it's my co-workers. . .

I like the hippy slogan. . .

Can your wife come up with a Web site? She seems an adept.

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: Double for You

i'm suprised yur clothes could smell
perhaps this is a positive step
i think my wife can’t do our Web site but I will ask, if I remember

now I've asked
she said no

NEFIX

Nefix above,
Pond below.

“Cree! Cree!”
calls the Nefix.

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: Web Site

yes i thought it'd be just like our emails, only open to the public -- abstract, work in progess, God-in-scissors kind of thing. i'm sorry you are in cold. here it is raining rain, and mist is climbing the hill.

Sparrow

(did i just write a haiku?)
(no)

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
RE: You Are--A Genius

Sparrow,

That's a genius idea. You certainly are -- a genius. You know Bob Holman better than me -- do you feel like broaching this idea to him? Or what? I think it would be fun and painless. I already relish the idea of planting disinformation in our emails -- Robert Creeley has signed a six-picture deal with Miramax to write an epic poem about Harvey Weinstein. Matt Damon is set to play Creeley, with Ben Affleck co-starring as Kenneth Rexroth. Maybe I won't do that.

Some guy named Deron Baumon has hooked up with a lot of people who were in Gordon Lish's Quarterly. Deron has a an e-mag called elimae.com that is amusing.

Why don't you send him some stuff? Send to deron@elimae.com.

I don't know what happened to the Nihilists. I thought that's what we're doing.

So are you a pretty serious meditator? I guess so, huh? For how long? Sometimes I feel too earthbound, like the comic strip character Schuman the Human in Robert Crumb's strips.

SOUTH AFTER SIX

A) 6:45
B) 6:15
C) 6:S
D) 6:30

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: After Great Cold

Hi Sparrow,

I am in Illinois. It is 11 degrees here. Outside.

Like the idea of a Web site with Bob Holman. What would we do? Be a link? Publish poems by other people? Chart the career of middle-aged losers addicted to Olestra and Tic-Tacs? Or just be bon vivants? How often should we have content? Some of my friends get burnt out on even weekly updates of Web pages (McSweeney’s, for example). Maybe we should have sporadic updates, publish whatever we feel like, and answer to no one. Right.

What do you think?

NORMAL

Anxiety. Insomnia. Nervousness. Increased libido. Agitation. Apathy. Aphasia. Ataxia. Coma. Convulsions. Dysphonia. Emotional lability. Extrapyranmidal disorder. Flushing. Hearing disorder. Hot flashes. Hypersthesia. Hyperkinesia. Hypertonia.

Question: What exactly happened to the Nihilists?

By the way, Anna Hofverberg is WAY cool.

Yours,
Roman Candles

§

TO: Mike Topp
FR: Sparrow
Subject: Happy New You

i like the first three poems, I think (that you sent) i have not yet got to Holman, sorry

Happy New You

Smarrow

NEW YEAR'S DAY

Who took a bath
wearing a wig?

1/1/00

Note: The poet found three wig hairs in his bathtub.


WAR MEMORY

too often I heard
Viet Cong
coughing in the forest


ADJ.

flat
flatter
flatterer

§

TO: Sparrow
FR: Mike Topp
Subject: Happy New Year

Dear Sparrow,

Happy new year. Some recent things. . .

Please send me stuff. Thanks.

9/7

: ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : ) : : ) :


GAME FOR PARTY

See who can get most string in mouth.


REARRANGED TEAMS

Miami 76ers
New York Celtics
Philadelphia Magic
Orlando Nets
Boston Knicks
New Jersey Heat


LINE UP LANDING STRIP

Line up the landing strip so that when the altimeter reads one thousand feet the field is off the right-wing tip.


MEAT MANTRA

pork chicken beef veal
venison frog turtle
    partridge quail
      ostrich
        elf


NOON

When I looked in the mirror I noticed that the letters on his shirt were backwards. “What a dope,” I thought. “This interview should be a cinch.”

Read on for Jeff Johnson on nachos, Mike Topp writing for Nixon's birthday & Sparrow on his literary tastes. . . .

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