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Having conquered the worm of Dirty Words in his Bad Poetry Curriculum, Sparrow, former Presidential candidate and full-time Poet Laureate of Comic Relief, has invented a new poetic form: Mathemetrics. He defines it as “poetry which concerns itself entirely with the actual length of each line.” Beyond semiotics, self-referential in toto, this amazing new concept marries poetry and math in a way that can only be described when you fall down, and cannot rise, due to the Humor in Nothingness straight-face that Mr. Sparrow and his form assume.
We of course will have a Contest for Best Mathemetrical Poem, and the winner will be published here. However, if you are Sparrow, you cannot enter. Everybody else, send your mathemetrics to us on our Reader Submissions page now!
Bob Holman
MATHEMETRICS SPREE
Last summer, Mathemetrics took the Hudson Valley by surprise. “Mathemetrics rocks the village!” a nightwatchman called to me as I stumbled from an evening of roistering at Sloans, in Claryville. “Mathemetrics is a big plus!” the cashier at The Diamond Snake told me, as she rang up my Sabbath candles.
As you may have half-forgotten from last month,* mathemetrical poetry has only one topic: the length of the poem itself. Here is an example:
Observation
This line is 12 letters longer
than this one.
*Ed. note: or you may never have known, if you are not a regular reader of Chronogram.
And here is the latest mathemetric explosion:
Exact Poem
This poem
contains exactly
30 letters.
§
Dollar Poem
If a had
a dollar for
every letter
in this poem
I would have
$48.
§
Peso Poem
If a had
a peso for
every letter
in this poem
I would have
53 pesos.
§
Comparative Poem
The Dollar Poem
is worth more than
the Peso Poem.
§
Exact Financial Comparison Poem
At today's exchange rate,
the Dollar Poem is worth
$42.22 more than the
Peso Poem.
7/29/01 3:28 PM
§
A Poem That Is Exactly Equal In Length To Its Own Title
This poem
has the same number of letters
as its title.
§
Double Poem
Each line
a a a a a a a a
in this poem
a a a a a a a a a a
is followed by
a a a a a a a a a a a a a a
another line
a a a a a a a a a a a
of equal
a a a a a a a
letter-count
a a a a a a a a a a a.
§
Shakespearean Mathemetrical Sonnet (No. 46)
Farewell! Thou art too dear for 37 my possessing,
And like enough 33 thou know'st thy estimate
The charter of thy worth gives thee 37 releasing;
My bonds in 29 thee are all determinate.
For how do I hold thee but by 33 thy granting?
And for that riches where is my 32 deserving?
The 35 cause of this fair gift in me is wanting,
And so my patent back 32 again is swerving.
Thyself thou gav'st, thy own worth 40 then not knowing,
Or me, to whom thou gav'st it, else 34 mistaking;
So thy great gift 35, upon misprison growing,
Comes home 36 again, on better judgment making.
Thus have I had 35 thee, as a dream doth flatter;
In sleep a king, but, waking, no 32 such matter.
Note: The letter-count is included in each line.
§
Mathemetrically Equivalent Numbers
Twenty-one
Twenty-two
Twenty-six
Thirty-one
Thirty-Two
Thirty-six
Forty-four
Forty-five
Forty-nine
Fifty-four
Fifty-five
Fifty-nine
Sixty-four
Sixty-five
Sixty-nine
Eighty-one
Eighty-two
Eighty-six
Ninety-one
Ninety-two
Ninety-six
§
Counting Poem
One 3
Two 3
Three 5
Four 4
Five 4
Six 3
Seven 5
Eight 5
Nine 4
Ten 3
Eleven 6
Twelve 6
Thirteen 8
Fourteen 8
Fifteen 7
Sixteen 7
Seventeen 9
Eighteen 8
Nineteen 8
Twenty 6
§
Mathemetric HD
We two are l:
I with smal
this taste
you with sm
take my han
though eff
you scald t
as a bowl, li
wherein dr
great peta
forced by t
too soon to
We two are l:
as a blank w
earth and t
saying the
is good and
with eyes b
as that bla
their igno
for final s
and a resti
We two rema
yet by what
searching
I ask again,
have we two
this maze o
in-wound mi
where oncc
(This is the poem "We Two" by H.D., with each line given an equivalent letter-count.)
Sparrow
Reprinted with permission by the author, from his monthly column entitled “Quarter to 3” in Chronogram, a local magazine which serves New York's Hudson Valley, very elegantly.
Sparrow's previous articles for About Poetry include:
The New Yorker: A Diary” in 2001
“From the Collected E-Corrrespondence of Sparrow & Mike Topp” in 2000
“The Bad Poetry Seminar” in 1997
More Sparrow online:
- His monthly “Quarter to Three” columns are archived in the “Backbone” section at
Chronogram's Web site.
“Why I Hate Richard Nixon” is at Grist On-Line.
“A Testimonial” appeared in The United States of Poetry.
“Two Books As One” & “Speaking to a Corpse,” are essays/book reviews in Article Magazine.
Sparrow's account of his 1996 candidacy for President of the U.S., Republican Like Me: A Diary of My Presidential Campaign is now in its 3rd edition from Soft Skull Press. Yes You Are a Revolutionary, Plus Five Other Books came out in the summer of 2002, also from Soft Skull.
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