Labor Day Picnic 1999
      --void where prohibited by law

I want you to have some of what I'm having
Which is why I've painted you into the cauliflower.
This place is a wreck--
I can't even find what I was going to give you in the first place.
My gimmick is spraying pudding from a Super Soaker
So I'll need you to duck when you see me loading it.
Bring the chicken kebob in here
So I can scrub your back with it.
In about a crocodile we'll have other guests
Dropping by who are known for their "Frenzied Acts."
We just love their beautiful palsied arms akimbo.
Just in case they don't show up
We can screw one of the replicants I made instead.
If we can't get our sexy parts to match one of the replicant's
We might need to take out a piece of your stomach
And attach it to your leader's shoulder. Be forewarned:
The entire procedure might be seen on national television.
Trot in on the horse you were assigned on the web.
This is a secret message that means:
We may have to kill you both (and eat you)
Or at least one of you.
In case of fire boil this message.
This is your password, I'll be your guide.
You rode in on me.

--Todd Colby

Todd Colby is the author of Ripsnort (1994), Cush (1995) and Charm Factory: New and Selected Writings (forthcoming October, 1999), all published by Soft Skull Press, NYC. His poetry has appeared in numerous anthologies, most recently Verses That Hurt (St. Martin's Press, 1997). He has taught workshops and coordinated the Wednesday Night Reading Series at The Poetry Project at St. Mark's Church. He is the cofounder with Jordan Trachtenberg of The Poemfone (212-631-4234). (He schedules it with Mr. Bob Holman.) He is a member of the world famous Yogurt Boys. He lives in Brooklyn, NY. Check mp3lit.com for audio pieces from his new book.